Narcissists crave attention from everyone in their lives, whether it’s a romantic partner, a friend, a sibling, or even a parent. This article will help you prepare for what happens when you start ignoring them. It’s for those times when you feel exhausted from arguing, debating, and constantly defending yourself against them.
If you suspect you’re involved with a narcissist but you’re not sure, here are some questions that can help confirm your suspicions. Is the person you’re with arrogant? Do they always act like they’re entitled to everything? Do they lack empathy for you and others? Are they self-centered? Do they disagree with everything you say and do? Do they criticize you a lot but get defensive when you criticize them? Do they constantly need validation and admiration from you and others?
If you answered yes to these questions, please keep reading this article because it will help you understand how to break free from the narcissist’s control.
1. Ignoring you back.
When you start ignoring a narcissist, the first thing they’ll do is ignore you in return. They see it as a competition. Narcissists believe they’re superior to us in every way. They think that because they’ve given you the silent treatment in the past and you’ve chased after them, this time won’t be any different. They expect you to come crawling back to them again. They figure, “It’s worked before, so why wouldn’t it work again?”
2. They will try and remind you of the good times.
When you ignore narcissists, they often try to remind you of the good times you shared. They’ll bring up trips you took together, show you pictures of happy moments, or anything that might make you lower your guard. They might ask questions like, “What happened to us?” or “Where did things go wrong?”
It’s important to note that they never mention their own role in ruining what you had. They don’t acknowledge how their behavior contributed to your unhappiness. Instead, they’ll use sweet words, try to shower you with affection, and make promises of a better future. They might offer gifts and claim they’ll change for the better. Whether or not they genuinely mean what they say or do, their goal is to get you to engage with them again. And once you do, they’ve won once more.
3. They try and reason with you.
Another thing narcissists try to do is reason with you. It’s actually quite ironic because they’ll use the same phrases you tried using with them when you wanted to understand things, but it never worked. They might say things like, “Can’t we just agree to disagree?” or “Can’t we find a middle ground?” They might even ask you to try seeing things from their perspective.
Because narcissists are so self-centered, they might even suggest, “You know, there’s something wrong with our relationship, and maybe you should see a therapist to figure out what’s wrong with you.” Do any of these things sound familiar to you?
4. They will heavily pursue you.
There are a few ways narcissists can try to reach you. They might stalk you by showing up at places they know you go to. They could bombard your phone with texts and voicemails. They might even stalk you on social media and make it obvious. They’ll like and comment on your posts, and they might even make posts about you just to provoke a reaction from you.
Narcissists have a couple of motives in mind. Their first goal is to win you back. But if they realize they can’t, their second goal might be seeking revenge. Regardless of their agenda, their intention is to let you know they’re still present and are not planning to leave anytime soon. They might try to reach you through your friends and family, contacting them and pretending to be concerned about you. They’ll create a story about how you’re not in a good place and how you need their help to get through it.
5. They’ll start a smear campaign in an effort to force you to respond.
They’ll start spreading rumors and lies about you to your friends, hoping to ruin your relationships with them. They’ll say things that force you to explain the truth, but unfortunately, sometimes only you will believe the real truth. It’s a tactic they use to isolate you when nothing else seems to work.
When narcissists can’t control you anymore, they try to control how others perceive you. This puts you in a defensive position, and you may feel the need to confront them to stop the spreading of rumors. But here’s the thing: when you engage with them, even to stop the damage, they win again. To them, any attention, even negative attention, is better than no attention at all.
6. They play the victim card…And guilt-trip you.
Narcissists will also act like the victim. They’ll make you feel guilty and ashamed. They might say things like, “Why are you ignoring me when I’ve done so much for you?” or “Are you really willing to throw everything away?” They might even claim they’re in a broken state and threaten to harm themselves, just to make you engage with them. They’ll do anything to get your attention.
7. They will threaten and emotionally abuse you.
When their previous tactics fail, narcissists may escalate things by resorting to threats. They will emotionally abuse you by saying hurtful things, like calling you worthless, unlikable, or a loser. They may threaten to reveal your secrets and warn of consequences if you don’t do as they say. These are desperate attempts to intimidate and punish you into submission. It all boils down to their desire to regain control over you, to regain your attention in any way possible.
Narcissists can’t bear the thought of losing, and when you ignore them, it deeply humiliates them. So, when they make promises and offer you everything, don’t fall for it because their words won’t hold true. Narcissists believe their aggressive and abusive behavior is justified, no matter how far they take it. They lack remorse or empathy for the way they treat you. They don’t even take a moment to consider the impact of their actions on you. Frankly, they don’t care about how you’re affected; they only care about themselves and what they can gain from you.
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